Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
If there was a time in college I would point to and say that's where the Lord grew our relationship the most - it would be Sophomore year, when I moved into my first apartment, took on a lot of responsibility, but also had a good environment to follow Him step by step through the daily changes.
If there was a time in college I would point to and say that's where the Lord worked the most - it would be this year : Junior Year. The year that has been the hardest to go through. My job changed from secretary to media intern and then communications director. The Lord knew what he was doing, changing my job to pursue a calling more accurate to my talents... but in this time, the busyness grew.
This past semester has taken turns for the worst since February.
- my car broke down and now I have none
- all my laptop data was erased (by me on accident) and completely disappeared... not to be recovered
- my teacher disappeared from class (fired, possibly) and our grades were affected
- I experienced an insane amount of jet lag - more than I expected - and illness from exhaustion
- I paid out more than a thousand dollars in taxes and the IRS took it out twice from my account... which I had no forewarning about in September to take that money aside
- extreme amounts of work and little structure to the overflowing work schedule that I did not know how to control or lessen
The discouragement didn't stop there, but every little thing started to add on and roll the ball deeper into a pit:
- rejections from summer and fall jobs
- a massive amount of confusion around 4 sublets and 4 leasing next year
- a large amount of money that a roommate didn't pay back for months
- roommate miscommunication and ignorance
- weekly errors in communication at my job, resulting in problems at the large weekly meetings and staff meetings
- two classes where no matter what I did - I didn't get it right
At the end, I held up fast, continued working diligently, suppressed the rational emotions that should come when things continue to get worse for month... a feeling of constant exhaustion and drowning set in back in February and never lifted.
But God -
He planned for this. He knew I would experience all of these large, bad things. He also knew that I would become engaged, a confirmed Catholic, start His photography business - SOUL Creations, and would learn that I was a talented leader and love my job :)
Funny enough, those things are big enough to hold over the mass amount of depression and exhaustion that I felt. His words and promises were held fast in my heart and I continued to endure and persevere until I noticed my time with Him shortening, my patience waning and my anger welling.
But God -
He planned for this. Alongside of all these events and emotions, happenings and hopelessness, stood my incredible fiancé - Alan. A month before it became quite bad he proposed to me and throughout the month stood by me, supporting me with words of affirmation, truth and reason in my world of doubt, hatred and jaded feelings. His heart softened mine, His love reflected the Lord's and my eyes opened up again through conversation with Him about work, scheduling, relationships, money, classes and future jobs. He reminded me that the Lord holds it all, that without Him - our work is in vain.
Living for Him and through Him are the two things that hold fast after work pulls you apart, relationships suffer because of busy schedules and classes where no matter what you do - you can't get it right.
God is bigger than these things, His love is stronger/deeper/wider, and His purposes for our life are more than work.
If there was a time in college I would point to and say that's where the Lord worked the most - it would be this year : Junior Year. The year when He showed me His love won't let me leave His side, He provides for me overwhelmingly, I can trust Him for everything - abundantly, and that life with Him and for Him - is why I live :)
So may you pray Daniel's prayer every morning as I do - because He is good and His love endures forever.
Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark - light spills out of him! God of all my ancestors, all thanks! all praise! You made me wise and strong. And now you've shown us what we asked for.
- Daniel 2:20-23