Yet, it seems like making this step pried apart my teeth and dug between my ribs in order to roughly mold my heart and perspective into what American colleges want young adults in America to look like. This is not so exciting.
Some random thoughts that I've had this year that have been sprinkled in between the Truth that the Lord has been bringing to me throughout this year are:
~ Universities set up their students for a lifetime of mundane, necessary work- in which your true personality and passion for life that you've had ever since you were a child seriously diminishes behind the unseen bundles of work that come along with all of the jobs that colleges tell their students to aim for, in order to be happy, money-wise.
~ Societies are truly targeted by Satan in order to ring in his ugly work and make it seem so normal. So normal that one finds it average for a student to be drunk 3 out of 7 weeknights, or for a women to appear as only objects in white, heterosexual mens eyes-- on the screens of all American TVs, and in bed -- but in public life, to be called many derogatory names if that sort of conduct is carried out.
~ The United States of America's educational system has pushed for so much intelligence, and yet so many adults seem so ignorant to the things that really need to be worked on. Such as the fact that 85% of the population in the Middle East and North Africa are not free. It seems that the USA adult population is more concerned of their luxurious comforts, instead of tending to others simple needs. Which as Christians, we should be tending to first before any of our comforts.
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I would like to take two moments and tell you some of my fears. One is that I tell too much about my real insecurities and irritations that this blog seems more like a venting machine rather than a journey... yet, in a journey there are ups and downs, and days where there are solipsistic questions and other days where there is complete revelations. Two is that I am taken down from the pedestal that I feel like I am upon when I blog: because I pray others look to this blog for encouragement- yet, it's a dead blog without blogs, and if this blog is true... then there's going to be many questions as well as encouragements.
This blog has been trying to work, but I've been trying to make it work like it did in Indonesia. That's easy to do, since it was an amazing time with God. Even when things were difficult, I was able to get through and hold onto hope. But things have changed throughout college. The times that are amazing and revelational are far and few in comparison to the times that I have questions. This is why I have not written. Because I fear that those who followed my Indonesian blog will look to this and see that my blog has gone from hopeful to hopeless... which is not the case.
To this point, I don't know what to do still, because these fears still rise up inside of me, that those who look will not be seeing the point to reading. And, going by Mill's Principle of Utility, I feel as if this blog should show my heart in the open, but this time, I don't feel my heart should be shown... because it's a lot messier than in Indonesia.
Foreign countries, I can handle.
Indiana University, that's another story.
But, to follow my journey, we're going to have to go through these tough patches. God will flow throughout, but a lot of questions are going to come up. Confusions and messes will sprout, and all things may seem very mundane and too reflective... but to get through this- the Lord needs me to write.
That is what He told me two weeks ago...
and so finally- here it goes.
One thing that I would like to end this with- is that if anyone who is reading any of the blogs who has encouragement- please comment. A college student needs as much spiritual or just helpful encouragement as possible.
This, I didn't know before I left home again, but I know now.
~~ Finally, I leave in two weeks for South Africa!
It's going to be messy, but I am SO ready to take pictures of God's beauty and go on another adventure with Him :)
AMEN!